Next week: I finish my last undergraduate classes.
The week after: I do the whole commencement thing.
This week: I agonize over it.

I’m so fucking close  and yet so fucking far away. I’ve got about 20-25 pages worth of work left – not that bad really, considering it’s broken up into a bunch of different papers, but when you’re in the home stretch and just want it to be over, it can be difficult to get moving.

I cannot wait for this to be over.

but even though this happened roughly two years ago, I still think about it. Why is he at the center urinal? Why is he sticking his arms out like that? Why is he whistling? Is he intentionally trying to creep me out or is he just painfully unaware of men’s room etiquette (which of course requires men to stand as far away from each other as possible whilst handling their – ahem – business)?

(04:08:30 PM) jflan017: yo did i hear they’re going to cast the guy playing captain kirk as hal jordan?
(04:08:57 PM) THE xWOLFMANx: that’s the prevailing thought
(04:09:04 PM) THE xWOLFMANx: some sources have reported he’s already been offered the part
(04:11:10 PM) jflan017: i guess that kinda works. he’s a little young looking but since it’ll probably be emerald dawn era
(04:11:48 PM) THE xWOLFMANx: I mean I haven’t seen the dude in anything at all so I have no feeling about it… I don’t really have an “ideal Hal Jordan” in my head
(04:12:53 PM) jflan017: yeah i have no idea if he can act. i’m going on pictures alone. i really don’t even know anything about the movie like if they’re going to have john, kyle, guy, or the rest of the corps
(04:13:54 PM) THE xWOLFMANx: hopefully they don’t screw around too much and just kinda have it be Hal learning the ropes and stuff… throw the corps in but just the aliens
(04:14:37 PM) THE xWOLFMANx: it could be like a weird cross between a Men in Black feel without the slap stick and the high adventure of something like Iron Man
(04:15:36 PM) jflan017: mel gibson as hal jordan, danny glover as sinestro
(04:15:46 PM) THE xWOLFMANx: holy shit
(04:15:48 PM) THE xWOLFMANx: can’t miss
(04:16:33 PM) jflan017: i just want them to keep remaking GL with all of the buddy cop duos
(04:17:01 PM) jflan017: chris tucker can be john stewart
(04:18:46 PM) THE xWOLFMANx: HAHAHA yo that would be awesome
(04:18:58 PM) THE xWOLFMANx: and by awesome I mean they were actually going to have Jack Black be Green Lantern at one point
(04:19:25 PM) jflan017: right so my obvious ridiculous casting isn’t even the worst it’s actually officially been
(04:19:58 PM) THE xWOLFMANx: yeah that’s just kinda scary
(04:20:12 PM) THE xWOLFMANx: how about this
(04:20:37 PM) THE xWOLFMANx: Julia Stiles as HELEN Jordan, Freddie Prinze Jr. as Sinestro, he turns the ugly duckling GL recruit into the beautiful swan officer
(04:21:52 PM) jflan017: oh no but then she finds out in the end that it was all a bet!
(04:22:00 PM) THE xWOLFMANx: hahaha
(04:22:17 PM) THE xWOLFMANx: she realizes that her duty comes first and that there are other GL fish in the sea
(04:22:38 PM) THE xWOLFMANx: she ends up romancing the lovable loser G’Nort, played by Matthew Lillard
(04:24:32 PM) jflan017: obviously guy has to be the jerk that puts sinestro up to it and john stewart is the token black guy. kyle is helen’s lame artist friend that is secretly in love with her
(04:25:02 PM) THE xWOLFMANx: hahahaha christ it’s scary… I could totally see a Warner board meeting going like this
(04:25:20 PM) jflan017: this project just puts itself together
(04:25:29 PM) THE xWOLFMANx: “how do we leverage the appeal of the DC Comics superhero brand with the relatively untapped 14-25 female demo?”
(04:26:56 PM) jflan017: well i don’t know how you feel about your job right now, but if you want to be in the movies, we should probably go ahead and pitch this
(04:27:20 PM) THE xWOLFMANx: I’m pretty sure we could get some action on it
(04:27:32 PM) jflan017: i could put grad school off for a few years if it meant making the movie that enraged fanboys across the world
(04:28:14 PM) THE xWOLFMANx: then laughed all the way to the bank
(04:30:20 PM) jflan017: my confidence in DC’s ability to make a good GL movie is so low I wouldn’t mind doing this because I seriously doubt we’d be robbing ourselves of a good movie
(04:30:49 PM) THE xWOLFMANx: yeah exactly like at least it would be screwed up on purpose and funny
(04:33:54 PM) jflan017: haha i just went back and reread the idea and it really is pretty solid. i wonder how many of freddie prinze jr’s movies could be remade under the banner of a DC superhero
(04:34:25 PM) THE xWOLFMANx: like shit we should just pitch this movie with a generic cadre of space faring superhero/police
(04:38:12 PM) jflan017: we should hand this off to steve so he can spice it up with some screaming
(04:38:29 PM) THE xWOLFMANx: and Billy Dee Williams
(04:38:40 PM) jflan017: well if we can’t get chris tucker…
(04:39:13 PM) THE xWOLFMANx: Nick Cannon
(04:40:12 PM) jflan017: he’s hilarious
(04:40:34 PM) THE xWOLFMANx: exactly
(04:41:28 PM) jflan017: i’m just going to forward this AIM log to DC and they’ll write us checks in the morning
(04:41:49 PM) THE xWOLFMANx: then we can retire
(04:42:49 PM) jflan017: you can play wow 24/7 and i’ll use my money to bring the cast of dawson’s creek back together
(04:43:20 PM) THE xWOLFMANx: why don’t we funnel the money into a reality show about the cast of Dawson’s Creek starting a WoW guild
(04:44:48 PM) jflan017: well we’d need to recruit the cast of saved by the bell or the OC or some similar show – so we have a horde side and an alliance side
(04:44:57 PM) THE xWOLFMANx: dude that could seriously be huge
(04:44:59 PM) THE xWOLFMANx: okay not really
(04:45:18 PM) jflan017: maybe in korea

I finally got the hard copy letter from William & Mary offering me admission with guaranteed tuition and stipend today. I saw a surprisingly good film version of Watchmen last night. I found out I won a fairly prestigious award and am being nominated for another at school this week. I’m being pushed to enter the best paper contest because my advisor thinks I have a really good chance at winning that as well. I’m visiting my future graduate school and presenting a paper at a conference next month, graduating the month after that, and finally embarking on my dream career in academia.

Good things have been happening to me left and right lately – on paper, it really looks like my life is finally falling into place after years and years of confusion, disillusionment, childishness, and fear keeping me from chasing what I knew I wanted all along.

I really thought I was finally growing the fuck up, getting my shit together, putting my head right and all that  – and then she re-enters the picture and I’m instantly lost in a fog. All this great stuff is going on and all I can do is think about a girl. It’s ridiculous, it’s embarrassing, it’s stupid. What is it about women, whether we’re pursuing them romantically or not, that makes guys so fucking crazy? At the beginning of this week, I figured my biggest problem was a dwindling work ethic in the face of a pretty serious case of senioritis. Now, all I can think about is how fucked up men and women are, how they have no idea how or what the other thinks, how they have no idea how to treat each other, and how especially true those things are in my case.

Ugh. I honestly don’t know why we bother socializing at all sometimes. Then I hear a woman laugh, see her smile, hear her say something brilliant, or witness any of a billion other acts of feminine charm and it hits me – maybe no matter how much men and women frustrate and mystify each other, it’s worth trying to traverse the fog because whatever awaits them on the other side – good or bad – is real. Relationships are all too often nebulous, tenuous, and fleeting, but they’re still real. Not trying – not going for it at all – just leaves you with the what-ifs and the “worst case” scenarios you concocted to convince yourself it isn’t worth it. That approach is probably worse than any of those “worst case” scenarios could ever be.

I’m a shitty philosopher though, so maybe it’s really just all about that vag.

Kansas City made a very, very good move in acquiring Matt Cassel. I am enthused.

In related news, THE FUCKING EAGLES ARE RETARDED. How do you let the heart and soul of your team, the greatest Eagle of his generation (if not of all time), the Wolverine, #20, Brian FUCKING Dawkins leave Philadelphia? He’s one of those guys that was just supposed to retire an Eagle – and it’s entirely on the Eagles that he isn’t going to.

My love-hate feelings toward the Eagles lean further and further towards hate every day. Dawkins will be missed severely.

G’bye Dawkins. Have fun in Denver. Please don’t beat up on the Chiefs too bad while you’re there.

I fucking got in at William and Mary. First response, first acceptance, and my first choice. I have never in my life felt so much relief.

Full tuition + stipend. I’m going to be poor as hell but I’ll be poor as hell doing something I love.

Seriously just fucking kill me.

Remember when I said waiting for decisions from grad schools would be way easier than the application process?

I WAS DEAD WRONG. This is the worst feeling imaginable. I’m powerless to change anything at this point and I’m stuck in limbo. I can’t plan anything regarding where I’ll live or work, what I’m going to do with my summer, or anything else for that matter.

It is maddening. What makes it worse is that lots of programs have already started admitting. Math programs, science programs, etc. are already sending out decisions, but for some reason none of the programs I’ve applied to (history) are. My William & Mary application was due December 5th yet they don’t send decisions until March. Some people I know applied January 15th and have already heard!

So, yeah.. waiting is the worst part. Until I have to deal with rejection, that is. God, I hope that doesn’t happen because I’ll probably kill someone. I haven’t considered for one second that I wouldn’t be going to grad school next year, so I have no idea what to do if I don’t.

Why do I like this show so much? I don’t have any interest in real estate. Fucking weird.

I did practically nothing but play video games in between the Fall and Spring semesters. Since I’m really late to the party when it comes to the 360, I had a lot of “classic” titles to get caught up on. Unfortunately, some games’ popularity far outstrips their quality.
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